As I look for words to explain how I feel, the thoughts that run through my head, the trepidation of the heart, the calm after the storm...nothing actually makes it out. It is a rather funny feeling to know, to really know, that I am a dollmaker. That others know me as such, that others treat me as such, that others value my work as such.
I wish I could really let you know what it is that I feel when I create dolls. I wish I can carve a little window into my life, and let you spy me. The many smiles, the funny faces, the chats that ensue. The fingers that touch fabrics while pondering personalities, the imaginative brain that just can't stop concocting dolls, the pain in my hands after I make them.
I suppose having this blog is such a window, albeit not as quick or maybe not even as personal. I know some of you know of this passion I feel, and I know many of you like to witness this process unfold. Although corny as can be, it is pure magic. I know it, and many others know it. And I feel privileged to get to feel it and create it.
If I had known five years ago that one day I will be sitting where I sit, I would not have believed it. If I had known that so many people would be so happy for me to do what I do, I would have smiled a kind of "I wish that was true" smile. But it is true. It has happened very organically, very slowly, very much to my liking. Always one more doll to be made, always one more doll to send away.
I cannot of course take all the credit for this development. If it wasn't for these two little girls who fill me with their magic on a daily basis, I would not have half the courage to do what I do. They inspire me so greatly to fill the world with more magic, for them, for others, for myself. They push me to be bold, to be fearless, to trust. If it wasn't for the continuos support and not-so-gentle prodding of my husband, I don't think we would eat as regularly or as good as we do. And if it wasn't for the generous souls out there who wish to support me, constantly, not just by taking my dolls into their homes, but also by talking to me, by sending me photos, by asking me to make special dresses for birthday girls, or tiny little underwear for boys who are starting to toilet train and whose dolls require the same, for their patience when I take forever to ship a doll, or the conversations that ensue once they receive it; if it wasn't for the constant emails of encouragement and appreciation, and for the strong support of my fellow dollmakers, whose work I admire and support in the same way, I would not be here. Sharing and making, writing and witnessing.
So today, while the wind and the water and the cold shower us one more day, I am going to let all this shower me. The deep realization that I am here, and that I am happy. I wish you exactly the same.